Travels with Aunt Flo

As I mentioned in a previous blog I am beginning The Change. What this means to me is that my normal, just-like-clockwork, cycle has gone haywire. My doctor told me that is it possible that my hormones will be irregular and she prescribed a synthetic hormone in the event I miss several cycles in a row, so 11 days ago I began a daily pill which send me into immediate PMS of the world class variety. I blew right up like a water-filled zeppelin and the day I was due to leave Rothenburg, Aunt Flo arrived with a vengeance, rather like what would happen if the Little Dutch Boy in his cheap, blue, Lord Fauntleroy knock off suit and wiggy hair were to pull his plump digit out of the hole in the dike. I don't know why I bothered buying sanitary supplies. I should have just bought a package of Pampers.

The night previous to my departure found me tossing and turning, unable to sleep. About the time I finally drifted off, a huge storm broke which successfully kept me awake until dawn. I treated myself to one last coffee at my cafe and purchased a cheese and ham pretzel bread to enjoy during my drive toward the Alps. Frau Fröhlich drove me to the train station and I lugged my extremely heavy suitcase onto the train. All went well until I disembarked in Steinach. The train stations have a luggage conveyor belt to help you get luggage up and down the stairs as you move from platform to platform. The belts work in either direction and are triggered by a bag being placed on one end or the other. The first whiff of trouble began when I placed my huge suitcase sideways on the belt and it began to move away so fast I couldn't grab my carry on sitting on the top step. As I twisted to reach for the carry on, the steamer trunk fell sideways off the belt nearly taking out a Mamie Eisenhower look-a-like making her way slowly down the stairs in front of me. I righted the suitcase, but then tipped over the carry on as I made a grab for it. Fortunately a nice lady picked up and handed me the carry on, as she could plainly see I was in need of assistance.

I raced to the bathroom to attend to Aunt Flo, only to discover that the train was out of water and washing my hands was out of the question as was flushing the toilet. I chose a seat with an extra absorbent cover as I could feel Flo creeping down my left leg and pooling in my sock. When I arrived in Ansbach I trotted around to the far staircase to find that the conveyor was already running in a northerly direction when I needed to head due south. I dragged my trunk down one set of stairs and up the other hoping no one noticed the set of bloody footprints I left on my way to the bathroom. As I left the loo, I noticed an EMT running around with an IV pole and a pint bag of blood looking for the injured party hemorhagging blood all over the train station. I made a quiet escape out the opposite door. Don't worry, Aunt Flo's got me covered...literally.

I took a taxi to the rental car agency and when I reported to pick up my two door economy car, I was offered a $60,000 Peugeot sports car. The three men behind the desk looked as me in shock when I turned it down in favor of a little Japanese model, telling them the Peugeot was "too big". Truth was, the Peugeot was way too beautiful and expensive and with Flo riding shotgun, I did not want leather seats. Besides, I did not elect the optional insurance coverage and I am sure my credit card limits the coverage they provide on high ticket cars. The gentleman at the counter asked me if I was traveling alone, and I said I was, choosing not to mention Auntie Flo, as she would not be driving. Don't worry, it'll be OK. Flo's got my back....literally.

I headed south, making frequent bathroom stops, and purchasing mounds chocolate to nibble at Flo's insistence. That Flo's a real pain...literally. I arrived at my destination of Oberammergau at about 4:00, then began the tedious process of locating a place to stay. The city has changed some and roads have been re-routed which was confusing and I did not see as many signs advertising rooms for rent as I remember from past visits. I did eventually find a place for 2 nights, at $25 per night. The house was rather old, and the carpet did not appear to have been replaced, or cleaned, since the Hoover administration. My room smelled damp and musty and the mattress had a six-inch dip right under my bottom, making it feel like I was sleeping in a bowl. The night passed slowly with Flo and I creeping past our landlord's bedroom door to the bathroom innumerable times. Aunt Flo really knows how to show herself ....literally.