Cleanliness is next to Godliness

Germans are the gardeners of the world...they are also the cleaners. The cleanest places I have ever been, inside and out, are here in Germany, where you can routinely enter any establishment and eat right off the floor. I am sure my landlady would be horrified to know that I have been scrubbing my white socks with the potato scrubber, but I think I mentioned that before. I have seen 80 year old bedridden ladies dragging IV poles behind them as they scrub the gutters every morning at 7:00 AM, and many windows are washed daily. By the way, mops are not used in Germany. Floor are scrubbed the old fashioned way, on hands and knees with a small brush. I think the saying "Cleanlines is next to Godliness" probably originated in Germany.

This overwhelming focus on cleaniless makes the show I caught on cable TV today all the funnier. It features a pair of German ladies who go in and clean houses for those who can't seem to grasp the concept of soap, water, and elbow grease. Today's show featured shy Martin who, in spite of having a large number of cupboards, shelves, and schranks, couldn't seem to actually pick up any items off the floor and stow them in the aforementioned storage units. Apparently Martin would like to meet a lady for romance and the two cleaning ladies belabored that point as they tutted over the horrendous conditions of his abode. "Mahhtin, Mahhtin!", called the one or the other as the embarrased and beleagured Martin, dressed nattily in his bright yellow Deutsche Post (post office) shirt, ran back and forth to see what newly discovered nightmare had been uncovered. The ladies displayed their horror by frequent tsking, tongue clicking, head shaking, and loud cries of, "Mahhhtin!" When one flipped over a throw rug releasing a bug, Martin had to scramble after it with a paper towel, while the Putz Frau tsked and loudly instructed him in the proper way to catch and dispose of said critter. Poor Martin!

Eventually, the cleaning was complete and the newly organized apartment was unveiled for Martin, who dressed for the occasion by hanging the blue jacket of a 1970's double-knit leisure suit on his rail thin frame. I am pretty sure the former neighbor of my childhood, Bud, had a leisure suit just like it. I know for sure he had a brown one. Oh, but the ladies weren't done with poor Martin. Having confessed his desire for a lady friend, they weren't quitting until Martin was made over. They took him shopping, where he purchased a grey 3 piece suit that hung loosely on him as though it were still on the hanger, and had his thinning hair cut and styled so it looked exactly like it did BEFORE he had it cut and styled. They then enlisted the help of a matchmaker, who appeared quite overwhelmed by the prospect of finding a lady for Martin. Perhaps she'd seen the "before" pictures of the apartment and the blue leisure suit! Let's wish Martin the best of luck, he did seem like a very nice man!