This and That

The market was in full swing when I left the apartment at 9:00 this very brisk, but sunny, morning. I stopped for a cup of cappuccino, and then over to the small grocery store for some frozen pizza and olives…you know, the necessities of life. I dropped the groceries off at home, then ran to the internet point, pointlessly as it turns out, because I had no email and was unable to pay my credit card online for some reason. I will have to try again later. As I ran back to the house to drop off the computer, I stopped by the market to buy some nice looking rolls, as our bakery just does not carry rolls of any sort. The man looked at me oddly, until I realized that the rolls were intended for the porchetta off to the side which I had not initially noticed. Porchetta is a whole, cooked pig and not a little one either. I agreed to some porchetta on one roll and am I ever sorry. It was wonderful….crispy, salty exterior slices and tender melt-in-your-mouth interior ones stacked on a wonderful crusty roll. I was truly a thinner woman before I discovered porchetta. I might have to step up my daily mileage output as I know another porchetta man who sits in the car park just outside the walls on Sundays.

I bought a small garlic press as I am not able to crush the garlic as small as I sometimes desire with the rather dull kitchen knife in the apartment, and also a wine pourer/stopper for the white wine I bought the other day for cooking. You know, it took me 15 minutes to get that rubbery stopper out of the bottle and I broke the corkscrew in the process! Needless to say the stopper expanded so much once I’d finally succeeded in removing it that I could not possibly get it back in the bottle even a tiny bit to keep the wine fresh.

I stopped by the ATM for money which I can spend at an astonishing rate, then trotted to the bookstore for a book (I bought two the other day), and some watercolor pencils and paper. I had intended to bring some from home, but with the weight allowance what it is I had to leave them behind. However, I find I am getting rather bored, so need some things to occupy my time. Also, I have been advised to develop my “feminine (creative) side”. Apparently my manly side is well-developed and doing fine. Perhaps that explains the beard. I dabbled with the pencils and enjoyed watching the rather uninteresting pencil colors blossom into a spectrum of lovely hues when brushed with a bit of water. I am no artist, so I’ll just be a little girl playing with her colors.

I likely need to be a little girl sometimes…I was often a sad child and withdrew into my books when the world was unkind as it often seemed to be and I considered books to be my best friends. My inner child needs some love and nurturing so that’s what I’ll try to do. Sometimes I feel a bit lonely, but then I remind myself that I am here to get to know and love me, not someone else. So, if I am alone it’s as it should be. I need to take pride in my ability to adapt to a new and unfamiliar environment and rejoice in the experiences I am having, even if they are small. When I get over the feeling that I look much like Mrs. Potato Head on whom some cruel child has inserted the largest and lumpiest nose I’ll know I’ve made much progress!

I have an amazing capacity to beat myself up. Why? Who knows. I guess it’s complicated. Truly the world beats up on all of us enough without us doing to ourselves, right? So why do I persist in believing what others have said about me, in some cases years ago? Why do I continue to make their cruel and unkind thoughts of me into my own terrible thoughts of me? My goodness, I am a reasonably intelligent woman and I should be able to control my own thoughts! I shall work on that!