Recovering

Just 2 1/2 weeks until my departure and I have been brought low by a bad case of food poisoning or some other hideous intenstinal upset. Packing, cleaning, and errands have all taken a back seat while my body tries to recover its strength. Even my prevalent self-esteem issues have faded into the background. Amazing how Mother Nature can, in a matter of hours, minutes, seconds even, reduce you to your most basic element...simply a living, breathing shell in need of rest and recuperation.

Its been a year of many illnesses for me. I am a diabetic and the insidious nature of that disease weakens the immune system making it difficult to fight off all manner of colds, flu, and infections. My body is demanding that I take some time to renew and rest and my mind tells me the same.

It seems that my whole life I've fought feelings of unworthiness and of being unloved. Funny, how someone whose name, Amy, means "Beloved" has never felt so. I know now that those feelings of love must come first and foremost from within, from some inner reservoir yet undiscovered and untapped. Italy is the place to find love, or so I've always heard, so it seems a good place for me to fall in love......with me. Yes, that means falling in love with the overweight body, and the less than perfect face, I'd years ago learned to despise. I think I was in 4th grade when it was brought home to me that I was not as pretty as other girls. My nose began to outgrow my face and that snaggle-toothed grin, which I have to this day, began to establish itself. Once this realization sank in, I began overeating and my weight problem began in earnest. As an adult I accept full responsibility for the person I am. I can no longer lay blame on others. But, I can also choose to be someone new, and that choice I make, starting now.

I will give fair warning here, that this blog is a journal about me. It's not just a travel journal of my adventures in Europe, but a journal about my search for me...my quest for personal and spiritual fulfillment. It will be very personal and if that is off-putting I apologize. I suspect that many women will be able to relate to where I am in my life....as they either are right here with me, have been there in the recent past, or will be there soon. In many ways, I am every woman....and yet I am no woman. I am unique yet similar; fragile but resilient; broken but healing; lost yet finding my way. What an incredible journey this will be. Hang on for the ride!